Rabbi Shalom Shwadron used to tell the story about a group of children who were playing at a certain family’s home. One of the children suddenly incurred a serious accident, and had to be taken to hospital. The hostess had the unenviable task of breaking the news to the child’s mother, and decided to do it gradually. When the child’s mother came to the house, the hostess told her that one of the children had an accident. “That’s nothing,” she said, “children are always having accidents!” The hostess then said that it was a serious accident, and the child had to be taken to hospital. “Nu,” the mother replied, “we must have faith in G-d. He will help the child.” “But”, the hostess finally said, “it was your Yossele!” And the mother fainted.

As much as we can and should appreciate those who work for peace and an end to dissension in the Jewish community, it may some times be the case that their aloof attitude implies that the issue at hand doesn’t really affect them—it isn’t really THEIR issue, it isn’t really their Yossele! Link

We are supposed to feel the pain of others. And we do. But is seems to me that there are times when we should rise above that pain and look at the problem from the perspective of an outsider. If we make the problem our own, we will only raise the level of hysteria; if we divorce ourselves from the problem, we can help with our thoughtfulness and perspective.

I once told my rebbe that I was going through a mid-life crisis. It was the most difficult period of my life and I was very distressed. “Sender”, he chuckled, “I think it’s adolescence”. I needed someone to laugh at me then, and he did.

Can an intimate conversation take place in a crowded room on YouTube? I’m not sure.

This week my brother sent me a meeting of two aging giants in our generation. Rav Ovadia Yosef was suffering from back pain and could not learn properly. He was crying and he was distressed. He had thousands of people to cry for him, to daven for him, perhaps even to commiserate with him. That wasn’t enough. He needed someone to point a finger at him and say “Don’t Cry!” He needed someone to laugh and say that everything would be OK, that he was getting too upset. There is a time to cry for a friend in pain, but sometimes we need to laugh at them.

Rav Sheinberg was moved to tears by Rav Ovadia’s cries, you can see that later in the conversation, but he didn’t cry for Rav Ovadia – He laughed.

Reb Yochanan would help many great people in their illnesss, but he could not help himself. He needed Reb Chanina to lift him up (Brachos 5b). May all of our leaders merit long and healthy lives.